How to Build Self Discipline

One of the most common questions I hear is: How to build Self Discipline that lasts?

Have you ever watched a friend easily do something that you've been struggling to do? Like they suddenly decide they are going to lose weight, and they do. Or they choose to quit smoking, and they manage it.

It can be super disheartening. What do they have that you don't? Why can't you do it too? Why is it so easy for them and so hard for you? What is wrong with you?

Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you.

Anyone who has ever succeeded at doing anything will tell you that consistency is critical. From Olympic athletes to businessmen to dietitians, writers, actors, and more, the self-discipline to do the same thing over and over again until you see results is the difference between failure and success.

But if you're anything like me, motivation lasts for about a week at the most and then mysteriously vanishes. This means that although you may have been motivated, you lack the self-discipline to follow through you your plans.

Self discipline means doing things that aren't easy or necessarily enjoyable but will get you one step closer to your goal. But more than that, self-discipline means doing these things regularly. It means following through and being dedicated to your goal in the long run.

So, how do you become more disciplined in life? Read on to find out!

What Is Self-Discipline?

Are you good at adhering to particular rules and positive behaviours? If you are, it's a reasonable assumption to say that you are disciplined. But this is about more than self-control, and as we'll discover later, it shouldn't be confused with motivation.

Self-discipline involves turning in on yourself to control the behaviours and thought processes that will get you where you want to go—whether that's in a particular area of your life or as part of your overall vision.

Building discipline isn't an easy process—particularly if you're not someone who struggles with issues such as impulse control and the struggle to minimize distractions.

Before we go any further, let's get something straight about building self-discipline: it's not a matter of simply introducing a strict set of rules and obeying them blindly. That road leads to self-judgment and, quite often, mental well-being issues.

You can practice discipline according to a dogmatic set of rules, but that's not a recipe for long-term change and success. Meaningful self-discipline comes from a change of mindset; it's a soft skill that involves the eradication of bad habits and various techniques designed to make self-compassion part of your everyday life.

When you achieve sustainable self-discipline, willpower follows—they're inextricably linked. Imagine you love pizza, but you're trying to lose a few pounds. Willpower involves not eating the pizza or limiting yourself to a small portion. Your self-discipline stops you from buying the pizza in the first place!

If you want to fulfil your potential in life and realise the ultimate vision you have in mind for your future, there's no alternative—you WILL need to build self-discipline. And a life coach can help you in that regard.

Why It's Important to Practice Self-Discipline

It's impossible to reach your potential if you don't practise some form of self-discipline. Unfortunately, a lot of people lack the natural aptitude for it. To generalise a little, creative types are typically afflicted with this problem. The good news is that it can be "trained into you".

Everyone has dreams. It doesn't matter whether yours is to become a billionaire or to raise a family and enjoy a comfortable life, you'll struggle to make your dreams come true if you can't build self-discipline over time. If you know how to build self-discipline, you can look forward to a host of benefits.

Manage Your Anxiety

One of the reasons they experience anxiety—particularly in their work life—is the feeling of being out of control. When you practice self-discipline in your everyday life, however, control becomes an automatic part of your thinking.

It's a Pathway to Happiness

Have you ever skipped a day at work and actually felt worse after it? Perhaps your work piled up, leaving you more to do the next day. Maybe you lost a little respect from your boss or peer group. Does this sound like the pathway to happiness to you?

When you achieve self-discipline without trying, you're more likely to feel in control and on top of everything. You won't worry about missed opportunities or wasted time, which means happiness is far more likely.

Increase Your Resilience

Resilience comes in many forms; it can relate to setbacks, distractions, challenges, criticism, and mental health issues. With self-control comes increased resilience to the things in life that can derail your mission.

Imagine you've just discovered that you were passed over for that job you've been chasing for years. Yes, this is a huge setback, but because you're disciplined, you've already moved on with a new plan. You're already planning how to react...how to fight back. In other words, you've developed a natural resilience to setbacks.

Now imagine it's 7am, you're tired, grumpy, and in need of a day off. However, you can't afford to take the day to yourself because you have an important meeting to attend. A day on the couch with a Netflix series is very appealing right now, but because you've learned how to develop self-discipline, you're resilient to the distraction. You envision your life in 12 hours when the day is over, and you decide that wasting your day like that will make you feel disappointed and frustrated—and even worse than you feel right now.

Goal Achievement Becomes Easier

When you welcome self-control into your life, it becomes easier to pursue and achieve your short and long-term goals. You know when certain triggers and distractions are looming, so you can pre-empt and react to them before they take you away from the day's plan.

Of course, this isn't easy for some people, which is why they often turn to a confidence coach for help. When you know how to stay focused when everything around you is either tempting you or in a state of flux, keeping your eyes on the goal and powering through becomes a great deal easier.

Can Self-Discipline Be Developed?

In a word? Yes.

Some people might seem like they are naturally disciplined. Self-discipline is like any other muscle in your body. It can be trained, developed, improved, and used.

People aren't necessarily born with a considerable amount of self-discipline and control. The truth is, you can become more self-disciplined over time. You can teach yourself tips and tricks and fool your brain into becoming disciplined and dedicated.

Eventually, you'll reach a stage where the willpower and desire to be disciplined and work towards your goal becomes more enjoyable and more straightforward than not doing it. This is why some people seem more disciplined than others. They aren't. They aren't fighting hard to get the job done; they genuinely enjoy it. These people thrive off the adrenaline of progress, so they find it easier to be disciplined because it feels good. But more on that later!

Don't Mistake Motivation for Self-Discipline

One of the most common mistakes people make when trying to be more disciplined is they think motivation equals self-discipline.

It doesn't.

Have you ever decided to make a radical lifestyle change? Maybe lose weight, overhaul your diet, quit smoking, or redo your wardrobe? Once you've chosen, you might start buying health magazines, create a Pinterest board, tell all your friends and family, and go out and buy new trainers.

All these things are great. But only if you then follow them up with actual work. Usually, we call this productive procrastination. It's when you do everything except the main task you actually need to do. The result is, you get stuff done, and importantly, you don't feel guilty about not doing the thing you need to do.

This means you have effectively tricked your brain into thinking you have been very productive and efficient when in reality, you are motivated but lack the self-discipline to follow through. Studies actually show that if you spend a lot of time planning and visualising, you are less likely to achieve your goal because your brain already thinks you've done the work!

Many people fall into this trap and end up mistaking motivation for discipline. Self-discipline is taking that motivation to reach a goal and turning it into consistent action. The dedication, determination, and willpower to reach a goal is self-discipline. The desire to change and the motivation to act are not self-discipline. Don't get confused.

How to Turn Motivation into Action

The first step to building self-discipline is to turn your motivation and enthusiasm into meaningful action. I don't mean the kind of positive procrastination we've already discussed; I mean meaningful actions that you can repeat over and over again to get results.

Developing self-discipline won't happen overnight. Just like you won't get results overnight, you need to be patient. But if you can start making small changes and actively working towards your goal, you're on your way to becoming self-disciplined. As they say, every journey begins with a single step.

Top Tips to Turn Motivation into Action

Working with your career coach, you've learned what your key motivators are and how to draw upon them. Now you need to use your motivation to get you moving. Think about what you want to achieve, envision your short and long-term future, and summon the mental energy you require by taking the following steps.

Set a Realistic Goal

The first thing you need to do is re-examine your goal. Is it realistic? It can be difficult to really focus on a plan if it seems unattainable. You might need to break down a larger goal into smaller, more manageable goals to focus on one at a time.

If your plan seems too challenging to achieve, you will find yourself procrastinating because you already believe you will fail. If you don't think you can achieve your goal, why on earth would you bother trying? Be realistic. Take small steps, and you'll find it easier to actually act regularly.

Write Down Your Goals

Have you ever heard of the 'vision wall' concept? The idea is to create a highly visual, in-your-face reminder of why you're working so hard—in the hope that seeing your vision every day will help you maintain self-control and motivation.

Writing down your goals and pinning them by your desk or bed is a simple yet effective alternative to the 'vision wall'. Goals and discipline are forever intertwined. You simply can't have one without the other. Embrace your vision in life. Work within yourself or with a business coach to pursue your dreams, and self-discipline will suddenly become much more achievable.

Give Yourself a Deadline

Deadlines are crucial for developing self-discipline. Self-discipline is built over time, but to begin with, when you find it hard to commit to regular work, giving yourself a deadline can mentally prepare you. Working to a deadline can increase motivation because you know that if you haven't achieved your goal by then, it's futile. But working to a deadline can help with self-discipline as well.

A deadline lets you know that even if you don't enjoy doing this regularly, it will be over soon. This means you are more likely to get up and get on with it. Do that enough times, and you might just find you are starting to discipline yourself.

Say Goodbye to Cheat Days

The idea of "cheat days" is beneficial for some people but can be very harmful to others. The concept of "cheating" can make you feel guilty or like you've ruined all your hard work so far. In reality, a cheat day where you eat a doughnut or fail to work out won't set you back that far; it will only affect your mental outlook.

Cheat days can make you feel like you've failed, which is more damaging than any doughnut will ever be. If you feel like you're back to square one every time you mess up, you'll be demotivated and unable to commit long-term. You need to understand that mistakes are part of life. Self-discipline only comes in the face of mistakes. Don't let a cheat day get you down. Start again the next day and appreciate that one bad day won't ruin all the hard work you've already done.

Recognise Your Progress

Cultivating self-discipline takes time. It is complex and requires strong willpower. So, you need to take a minute and recognise how far you've come. Self-discipline requires strong mental fortitude, so giving yourself encouragement and recognition can be the push to keep you going. You should consider self-discipline as a journey. Often this means there isn't an end. The self-discipline to go running three times a week will continue long after you've reached your target weight or beat your best 5km time.

As a result of the continued work it takes to maintain and improve self-discipline, you may not celebrate specific goals. Looking back on how far you've come can be a valuable tool to ensure you remain committed to the journey, even if you've already achieved your goal.

Make a Practical Plan

Perhaps the most important thing you can do to inspire regular action is to make a real plan. If you only work out when you are motivated, you aren't using your willpower. You will likely be irregular and will find it challenging to work out when you feel unmotivated. This is because motivation isn't self-discipline. Self-discipline is about finding the motivation to act when you don't want to.

Tell yourself when and for how long you will take action and then stick to it. Even if you only go to the gym and do a light workout, it's better than nothing, and, most importantly, you will begin to develop the discipline to go, even when you feel like staying home.

Top Tips for Developing Self-Discipline in Your Everyday Life

Self-discipline doesn't exist until it's part of who you are. If you're constantly second-guessing yourself and seeking motivational talks with your accountability partner, you're not really self-disciplined. However, by taking day-to-day control of your mental and physical health, routines, goals, and relationships, you can—over time—develop the mindset you need to keep going in the face of adversity and setbacks.

There are countless examples of how you might demonstrate self-discipline during the average day, but here are just a few to think about:

Get Up at the Same Time Every Morning

A big part of developing discipline on an instinctual level involves forming rigid habits. The first thing you do every day is wake up and get out of bed, so make this your first habit. Regardless of when you fell asleep or how good your sleep quality was, get up at the same time every day. Make your bed, perform your ablutions, and start as you mean to go on.

Work Out Before Work

A healthy body is always linked to a healthy mind. The longer you leave exercise, the more likely you are to procrastinate and put it off. So, to create the perfect start to your day, get your daily exercise in before you start work. That way, you have the rest of the day to focus on your goals—unencumbered by the guilt or anxiety that arises when you know you haven't hit the gym yet!

Maintain and Follow a Detailed Work Schedule

Of course, your schedule is going to change from day to day, but what shouldn't change is your time management system. Sticking to a schedule is always a good way to develop instinctual self-discipline. Yes, things will go awry, and your plans will need to change—probably on a regular basis. But when you have to move things around, you can do so in the knowledge that the rest of your day is accounted for.

When it comes to achieving your goals, time is both your friend and your enemy. There will be times when there simply aren't enough hours in the day. That's when the services of a time management coach can be invaluable. When this happens, you either need to prioritise more effectively or work smarter! Either way, your life and business coach will be able to help.

Stay in Control of Your Emotions

Self-compassion is just as important as self-discipline, so don't be afraid to take some time for yourself or turn to a friend for help when things start getting on top of you. Conversely, when your emotions start getting out of control, it's important to know how to manage them. When you're angry, frustrated, excessively bored, or sad—you're exerting mental energy that's better directed at your daily routines and goals. Keep your brain responsible for your actions, and you can set yourself up for long-term success and personal growth.

Take Control of Your Finances

Whether you like it or not, your finances are intertwined with your life goals. And to stay in control of both, discipline is vital. Work hard on making conscious, logical decisions when it comes to spending, investing, or saving money. Treat your financial goals like any other goals. Create a clear path to achieving your financial vision, and stay focused on the big picture.

Make Every Day About Goals

If you work with a life coach, you may hear the terms 'growth mindset' and 'fixed mindset' from time to time. And it's important to understand the difference and how each of them are related to your inner discipline.

When you demonstrate a growth mindset, you're open to change; in fact, you welcome it as a force for achieving your life goals. You embrace new habits, abilities, and methodologies as learnable traits that can be fine-tuned through continuous effort and support. When you demonstrate a fixed mindset, you accept that you have to manage with the skills and traits you were 'born with'. You remain closed to new ideas and opportunities to learn and develop.

How to Become More Disciplined?

That's a question I get asked ALL the time. Seriously. "How to develop self-discipline" is regularly typed into Google. If this is something you find yourself wondering, know that you aren't alone. We all feel like we aren't doing a good enough job sometimes. And how to improve self-discipline isn't easy.

Learning how to become disciplined doesn't happen quickly or overnight. It takes time, mistakes, and patience. However, there are a few things we all do which inhibit our ability to improve our self-discipline.

Here are a few things to look out for if you are trying to be more disciplined:

Blaming Yourself

No matter what you are trying to achieve, you will fail or experience a setback. It's not necessarily a bad thing. But it can become a serious problem if you start blaming yourself. Saying "I failed because I'm a terrible person" or "it went wrong because I am rubbish." This can lead to a negative thought cycle in which you start to believe you won't ever succeed.

You'll start believing the old story that some people have willpower, and you just don't have it. Stop blaming yourself. Setbacks happen. Move forward. Never give up.

Not Recognizing Your Weaknesses

Perhaps you don't know how to prioritize tasks effectively. Maybe that bad habit you have is proving difficult to eradicate. Or you may need the help of a time management coach to help you work smarter, but you're naturally a private person. We all have weaknesses in life. Embrace yours, and they'll actually serve you well.

Most of this is on you. If you struggle with impulse control, only you have the power to do something about it. If you put off performing important tasks until the bitter end, you have to take responsibility for the outcomes. However, you can seek support in addressing some of your weaknesses—or least learning how to address them.

Fight against those weaknesses. Refuse to give in to them. Work on them at every opportunity. Turn bad habits into good habits. And choose an accountability partner you trust—who will never bu****it you and tell you what you want to hear.

Lost Sight of Your Reason

As you continue to push yourself over time, it is easy to lose sight of why you started. This can lead to a lack of motivation and a loss of self-discipline. You can't expect yourself to use your willpower and push through difficult situations if you have no idea what you are doing it for. Take a second to refocus on your goals, think about your "why," and then use this to keep going.

Find the Positive

If you base your self-discipline on negative thoughts, you'll find it harder to keep going. You need to use positivity as your foundation. Don't think about how hard it is to go running or how unhealthy you currently feel.

Don't think about the time you didn't follow through on your actions. You need to start thinking about how far you've come, how good it feels to move your body, and how much better you'll feel tomorrow. Find the positives and let them become your motivation rather than wallowing in the negatives.

Enlist Help

The social pressure of being around others can be a wonderful thing. Sure, it's a little stressful, but no one wants to be the disappointment in front of others. If you are struggling to hold yourself accountable, get a friend or family member involved. Tell them what you are trying to do, and give them a reason to hold you responsible.

If you want to write 1,000 words of your book a day, tell them that if you fail to do it, you'll buy them dinner. Or, they can borrow the thing they have always wanted to borrow if you snack on chocolate this month. Social pressure can be hugely motivating, and having a cheerleader can make a huge difference.

How to Build Willpower and Self-Discipline

Once you start to commit to a plan and become more disciplined than before, you'll notice a significant shift in your mindset. As you begin to see results and notice changes in your body, health, and happiness, you'll find it easier and easier to be disciplined. Suddenly, you'll find yourself waking up early and getting that morning workout, and you won't hate it.

This is because once you begin to associate positive feelings with consistent behaviour and then see results, you'll find that you'd rather do the work, even if it's complicated than deal with the guilt and shame that you place on yourself for not doing the work.

Once you begin to acknowledge the negative feelings that are holding you back, you can move through them until it's easier than ever to be self-disciplined. At this stage, you'd rather eat a salad, go to the gym, write another page of your book or declutter your office than go back to the dark place you were in before. Moving through your emotions into a positive place means your mind suddenly finds it easier to be motivated and disciplined. There is no going back.

It takes a while to reach this stage, but when you get here, other people will look at you and claim that you have fantastic self-discipline. But in reality, you'll find it almost effortless because it's easier to get healthier, fitter, more accomplished, and happier than to do nothing at all. This is true self-discipline, fighting against yourself to be better than you were before, and succeeding.

One Final Question

What do you want to achieve in life? What is the ultimate happy ending for you? Perfect mental health? Money? Professional success? Mastering the art of relationships? Securing that dream job you've fantasised about since you were a young child?

Self-discipline doesn't come naturally to a lot of people. While you think you may have it, be honest: do you have to work at it? Do you make conscious decisions to avoid distractions, roll with the punches, and continue with your daily routine despite major disappointments or stressful scenarios?

If you need a powerful motivator to change your mindset and help you develop productive new habits, I can help. I'm a life coach in London who understands the strong link between self-discipline and mental health. My approach involves defining your ultimate vision in life and working on the healthy habits and strategies needed to make it a reality.

Put a Discovery Call with Me on Your To-Do List

Contact me today to book a free, no-obligation discovery meeting with me. It'll be a one-to-one affair—either in my London office in the Angel/Islington area or via a Zoom call. I work with successful people and those right at the beginning of their professional journey, so if you have the determination to set clear goals and develop the discipline you need to achieve them, I can help.